Grief, suicide and the poor

Can you imagine being a 29 yr. old male and a resident of a nursing facility? Add to your imagination, that person as gay and one who recently lost his life partner complications of AIDS. By the grace of God, Craig (not his real name) has been supported by his partner's family through these difficult several weeks. He was included in decision making regarding funeral planning, and his wish to have a small companion urn (containing a small amount of the cremains of his partner) was granted.

Craig has a history of depression. This past week, he received the companion urn and has had his partner's cremains at his bedside. He told staff members that he sat holding the urn to his heart and rocking back and forth as he poured out tears of loss, love, and grief.

Feeling unable to cope with his loss, Craig purposefully hiked up a dose of antidepressant medication with the intention of suicide, he became frightened and let staff members know of his actions and intentions. He was sent to the hospital and released later in the day.

Many in society today would respond to this story saying, "If he hurt so much why didn't he turn to his fag friends to hold his hand?" There are still so many places where lesbian and gay men cannot share what is in their hearts and souls and minds. "Safe" staff members knew what was going on with Craig, but they weren't always working. Because so many people didn't know how to respond, they left Craig alone or never mentioned his partner's death.

It seems to me that a large portion of human beings walk through life with blinders on; always looking directly ahead and trying to never meet the eyes of others. If we don't see, hear, or feel other's pain, depression, and confusion, we don't have to respond. If we can keep someone away by judging them unworthy of our attention, we use obstacles such as sexual orientation, race, political affiliation, socio-economic status and others, to alienate them.

Poverty is much more extensive than that which is experienced by those who lack adequate food and water, shelter, and income. Poverty is a part of loneliness, grief, loss, hopelessness. It often is the experiences of parishioners in our parishes, professionals, students, those struggling with decisions such as abortion, and many others who do not "wear the face of poverty" that we expect.

We live in such a disconnected world that we often simply don't take the time to look around us realizing that we are all children of God and called to care about and for one another. Thousands of people in Taiwan have lost their lives due to a typhoon. We acknowledge the loss, yet many of us barely give that loss of life another thought. The more we draw the shades and tighten the boundaries around us the more lacking is our spirituality. As Christians, we are called to embrace the other, to care about them, to comfort them, to do all that we can in a broken world.
If we can give only a passing prayer for thousands of people, how do we remember the individual prayers of the poor within our sight?