Strength in the midst of Pain and Loss

This is a continuation of my last entry. My roommate received a phone call from her sister in Missouri. Their mother (wife of "John" from the post) had become weak and disoriented in the nursing home and had been taken to the Emergency Room and admitted to the Critical Care Unit where she was being monitored. It didn't seem necessary for "Liz" to come home yet. The following morning we were awakened by the same sibling saying that their mother was not improving and less than 30 minutes later, we were called again telling us to come to Missouri; all the (adult) children would be gathered at the hospital.

Twelve hours later, we arrived at the hospital. "Liz was breathing on her own, but her expiration's were being assisted by forceful pressure through the mask. She was non-responsive. There was no grasping when her hand were held, no indication that she heard those around her.
Everyone was prepared to remove life support once the physicians agreed that although they did not know exactly what had happened, the length without any response to a multitude of medicantions and treatments seemed to indicate that "Liz" would not recover.

All that was needed now was the opinion of the infectious disease physician. His initial belief was that "Liz" had meningitis although this was not confirmed by spinal tap because of her unstable respiration's. The physician entered the room and said, "we need to triple the dose of the antibiotic and keep an eye on your mother for that time." Not unlike the time they had just spent with their father and although this plan of action seemed like grasping at straws, the decision was made to try the increased dosage of medication.

One daughter remained at the hospital while we all went home. The phone rang at 3 AM and we were told to "come now, Mom's worse." The seven children stood around their mother's bed and could barely watch her struggle for each breath. They asked the nurse what would be necessary to have "Liz" removed from any life suppport. She said that the three principal physicians who were caring for her would have to see her and that her primary physician would have to agree to remove life support.

What a long and painful day. Finally, the infectious disease specialist visited "Liz." His response to withdrawing life support was that "the medication hasn't had time to work." He did say that there "might" be some other process going on her her brain but that the neurologist would have to address that! When the neurologist arrived, he agreed that this was not simply meningitis or some other infection, but other brain malfunction as well. Although he didn't firmly say, Yes, stop treatment, he did indicated that there was a good chance that this was not reversible.

About 1PM the last physician visited. He didn't say "Yes, stop treatment," but when asked directly about the possibility of recovery, he responded, "I don't believe that she will improve or recover." Once the necessary physician orders were written to remove the forced oxygen and the medications and to provide comfort rather than curative care, "Liz" began her last decline.

About 7 PM, we were called to CCU and told that "Liz" was being moved to a private room on one of the medical units. There the family would have room and privacy. We were asked to wait in the CCU waiting room while "Liz" was prepared for transfer. The wait was at least 45 minutes. Finally we saw the bed with a nurse and the eldest daughter coming down the hallway. We took the next elevator up to the to the medical floor. As we looked at "Liz" we all noticed how still she was and how dusky her face appeared. "Liz" had died, probably in the elevator! She could have had everyone with her as they were with her husband two weeks earlier, but there was such a move to get her out of CCU now that she was dying!!!!! Liz died two weeks to the day of her husband's death. Her funeral and burial are now following that pattern.

Compassion has no place in the natural order of the world which operates on the basis of necessity. Compassion opposes this order and is therefore best thought of as being in some way supernatural.~John Berger

I would take this quotation even further to say "perceived" necessity. Unless someone was going to suffer or die without the room in which "Liz" was dying, what justified moving her? What was the rush? Did anyone consider the comfort she might have had by having all of her family continue to surround her, rather that be taken across the entire hospital and placed in room that she did not even live to occupy?